Wow--I haven't posted in awhile, but not because I didn't want to! Much busy-ness just got in the way. I took on a new part-time job (which, for various reasons I won't go into here, is driving me nearly mad with frustration), threw Beanie a 3rd birthday party, Beanie started, then finished, a special-needs preschool program at the local public school (it ended up being only 2 sessions, as the teacher went out on disability leave, and it was too late in the school year to replace her--what a waste of time!), Beanie started daycare, and all the rest of life went on, as it does.
Beanie's birthday was a blast. It turned out to be a brutally hot day, so we moved most of the party indoors, and filled the wading pools and set up sprinklers outside. We served crackers and cheese, veggies with ranch dip, green salad (mostly for the parents), and fruit salad, along with cake (the party was 3-5 pm, so I didn't serve a full meal). I made a monkey cake (baked a chocolate half-sphere in a stainless-steel bowl, put banana frosting between two layers, chocolate frosted the whole thing, added Ding-Dongs for ears, and drew a monkey mouth, eyes and nose with other frosting). Since that would be too small to feed everyone, I also made monkey face cupcakes (with yellow cake inside, for those who don't care for chocolate). We had an assortment of beverages. The kids all had a great time running in the sprinklers and playing in the pool.
I was stressed out before the party--it was SO hot, my husband was grumpy about a work issue (he works on weekends, so it was fresh), and I was running out of time, but it all came together somehow. Once the party actually starts, I always have a good time.
I'm kind of a nut about my kid's parties, and they are always themed to within an inch or their lives--LOL. Bless the Oriental Trading Company, my chief soursce for cheap party goods! We did a full-on monkey theme ('cause Beanie's my little monkey), with neon monkey tableware, monkey bean-bag toss, pin-the-banana-on-the-monkey, the monkey cake(s), and monkey-printed goodie bags filled with a small stuffed monkey, a monkey-design platic cup, monkey-design bubbles, and monkey stickers. It was monkey madness!
Friday, May 23, 2008
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Jack Goes to Camp
I want to share a story that changed my life and how I looked at kids who hit or push. Before I had my own children, I used to volunteer for a week each year at a Unitarian church summer camp. The last 2 years I did this, I acted as the Dean, which is a little like being a school principal, if just for a week (along with months of planning). As Dean, I recruited all the volunteer staff, planned the week’s schedule, and was generally in charge of the entire operation (except for foodservice and maintenance). So… one year we had a boy I’ll call “Jack”. Jack was about 9 years old, and a hitter. By the second day of camp, the counselors and I were talking about sending him home, due to his aggressive behavior and hitting other campers. We held an emergency meeting of the adult staff to figure out what to do.
Now, I always really hate to send a child home from camp, because in my experience, it is often the child that you most want to send home that is the one that most needs to be there. But I was also mindful of the fact that we could not allow hitting. We had already tried reasoning, laying down the law, time outs, the threat of lost privileges, and so on, and Jack was not responding. He said to me, with great sorrow, that he didn’t want to be sent home, but also that he was not sure he could always remember to use words instead of fists. So I was in a quandary.
I believe that a good camp experience can change a child’s life. Because camp is a total immersion, 24-hour a day experience, and far removed from “real life”, it can have a profound effect. So, keeping that in mind, we decided to give Jack 24 hours more to see if we could fix the problem, with a new action plan in place. The camp chaplain, a wise and compassionate woman, offered her thoughts. “I’ve been spending some time with Jack, and I think he really wants to touch people, but he doesn’t know how. He wants human contact, and all he can think of is hitting.” So we hatched a plan…we adults would make every effort to touch Jack in appropriate ways, and also to model ways to touch others when Jack was watching. We would pat him on the back, put an arm around his shoulder, shake hands, ruffle his hair or give a hug. We also assigned a junior counselor (a teenager) to be Jack’s constant companion. This teenage boy would stick to Jack like a shadow, being alert for signs that a conflict was escalating so he could step in before things got physical.
We made it through the 24 hours without fists flying…then another day, and another. We had some close calls, but no actual hitting. By the end of the camp week, we were amazed. The angry, aggressive boy that had been Jack was acting happy, he had friends in his cabin group, and he had had a successful week at camp. When his mother came to pick him up, she was astonished. She said he was like a different child. She told us she had waited by the phone the whole week, just sure that we would send him home from camp sooner or later. It came out in our conversation that Jack was adopted as an older child, having been removed from a severely abusive home. “When he first came to us,” the mother said, “he was like a wild animal.” He struggled in school with behavior issues, and had few, if any, friends, so seeing him joking and laughing with his cabin-mates felt like a miracle to her.
Aside from wishing the mother had told us this BEFORE sending Jack to camp, this forever changed my thinking about aggression in children. This child was really a good kid, and he was only doing what he’d been taught by his abusive birth family. He was hurting inside, and knew no other way to express it. We could have tried more and different punishments to try to correct the behavior, but it took a 180 degree turn around in our approach to really make it work.
Other reasons children push or hit can be poor language skills (so they are physical out of frustration that they cannot communicate) or sensory integration dysfunction (in which the brain is not processing information from the senses in a typical way, so they need the sensory feedback of pushing or hitting). In any case, children who hit, push or crash into others, when punishment is clearly not solving the problem, I would encourage you to “think outside the time out” and try to figure out what is behind the behavior. If you can address the root problem, rather than the symptom you may have much greater success.
Now, I always really hate to send a child home from camp, because in my experience, it is often the child that you most want to send home that is the one that most needs to be there. But I was also mindful of the fact that we could not allow hitting. We had already tried reasoning, laying down the law, time outs, the threat of lost privileges, and so on, and Jack was not responding. He said to me, with great sorrow, that he didn’t want to be sent home, but also that he was not sure he could always remember to use words instead of fists. So I was in a quandary.
I believe that a good camp experience can change a child’s life. Because camp is a total immersion, 24-hour a day experience, and far removed from “real life”, it can have a profound effect. So, keeping that in mind, we decided to give Jack 24 hours more to see if we could fix the problem, with a new action plan in place. The camp chaplain, a wise and compassionate woman, offered her thoughts. “I’ve been spending some time with Jack, and I think he really wants to touch people, but he doesn’t know how. He wants human contact, and all he can think of is hitting.” So we hatched a plan…we adults would make every effort to touch Jack in appropriate ways, and also to model ways to touch others when Jack was watching. We would pat him on the back, put an arm around his shoulder, shake hands, ruffle his hair or give a hug. We also assigned a junior counselor (a teenager) to be Jack’s constant companion. This teenage boy would stick to Jack like a shadow, being alert for signs that a conflict was escalating so he could step in before things got physical.
We made it through the 24 hours without fists flying…then another day, and another. We had some close calls, but no actual hitting. By the end of the camp week, we were amazed. The angry, aggressive boy that had been Jack was acting happy, he had friends in his cabin group, and he had had a successful week at camp. When his mother came to pick him up, she was astonished. She said he was like a different child. She told us she had waited by the phone the whole week, just sure that we would send him home from camp sooner or later. It came out in our conversation that Jack was adopted as an older child, having been removed from a severely abusive home. “When he first came to us,” the mother said, “he was like a wild animal.” He struggled in school with behavior issues, and had few, if any, friends, so seeing him joking and laughing with his cabin-mates felt like a miracle to her.
Aside from wishing the mother had told us this BEFORE sending Jack to camp, this forever changed my thinking about aggression in children. This child was really a good kid, and he was only doing what he’d been taught by his abusive birth family. He was hurting inside, and knew no other way to express it. We could have tried more and different punishments to try to correct the behavior, but it took a 180 degree turn around in our approach to really make it work.
Other reasons children push or hit can be poor language skills (so they are physical out of frustration that they cannot communicate) or sensory integration dysfunction (in which the brain is not processing information from the senses in a typical way, so they need the sensory feedback of pushing or hitting). In any case, children who hit, push or crash into others, when punishment is clearly not solving the problem, I would encourage you to “think outside the time out” and try to figure out what is behind the behavior. If you can address the root problem, rather than the symptom you may have much greater success.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
What makes a great preschool?
As I am thinking about preschool for Beanie, I am reflecting on what goes into a well-run preschool program. I find myself first just looking for something close and affordable, but the elements of the program are very important. Preschools come in many "flavors", such as developmental, academic, Montessori, Waldorf, bilingual, and on and on. Some use a combination approach of more than one of these. I don't want an academic preschool in which the children spend much of their time seated at tables doing worksheets, or being drilled on letters, colors or numbers. I know that young children don't do their best learning in that way. I want any learning to occur through play, because play is the work of young children. In fact, even kindergarten has become disturbingly academic in some schools, but that's another issue. I think an ideal preschool day should address all different learning styles, and should include some inside time, some outside time, art projects, music, movement, active play, pretend play, stories, experimenting with different materials, group activities and individual activities.
For a class, I had to create a fictional welcome letter for my ideal preschool, so here's what I came up with (now, if only I could find this school!):
Dear Preschool Families—
Welcome to Totally Perfect Preschool. I am excited about all that we will be learning together this year. Our school believes that education is a partnership between the school and the family. We welcome your participation and input! We want you to be involved, at whatever level you prefer. Attached you will find a calendar for the year, highlighting school holidays, field trips and special events. There is also a sample weekly schedule, giving an overview of what a typical week will include—this schedule is subject to changes, but will give you an idea of what your child’s day will be like. Also, please get in the habit of checking the bulletin board outside the classroom door for up-to-date weekly schedules, information, and sign-up sheets for various activities. Also, check your child’s “mailbox” (labeled slots above the cubbies) for flyers, newsletters, and other information, as well as finished artwork to go home.
We want your talents! Volunteer opportunities are available in many areas. Please fill out the attached volunteer sheet if you are willing to help out. There are many positions available, such as room parent, classroom volunteers, playground volunteers, field trip driver/chaperones, fundraising volunteers, party helpers, and class photographer. If you are not available to volunteer during the day, we need parents to prepare materials at home (cutting out paper shapes for an art project, for instance), and there are monthly Saturday morning work parties to spruce up the building and grounds. If you have a special skill or talent you would like to share, please include that on the form!
We have a new program this year to help us get to know each other better. Every other week, we will have “family snack and share” time. If possible, we would like each family to sign up for one of these dates (a sign-up sheet with available dates will be posted outside the classroom by the beginning of next week). This is a chance for you to share your family’s or ancestors’ origins with the students. We invite you to share your cultural heritage through telling or reading a story, showing pictures, teaching a traditional song or dance, leading an art activity, or anything else you would like to do. We ask that you bring a snack to share. This may be a food traditional to your country of origin, or not. (Please bring the recipe or a list of ingredients to avoid any food allergy problems.)
In addition, we have a parent meeting next week for new AND returning families (see schedule). This is a chance for new families to meet the staff and get information, for returning families to hear what’s new this year, and for all of our families to get acquainted with each other. There will be child care provided in the classrooms during the meeting, and an ice cream social for all immediately afterwards. We look forward to seeing you there!
Several times during the school year, we will be presenting parent forum evenings. These will be discussions of various issues having to do with parenting, and will be led by experts in the field. These are always optional, but we encourage you to attend. These evenings will feature a presentation by the speaker, followed by a question-and-answer and discussion period. Childcare will be provided.
Please don’t hesitate to call or email me about anything that concerns you. I will be happy to schedule a meeting with you at any time during the school year, and will attempt to respond to all emails and calls within 24 hours. If you have any special concerns about your child, or if something is going on in your child’s life that may affect how s/he functions in school, please let me know, so that we can work together to create a positive educational experience for your child. Pick-up and drop-off times are very busy, so if you have a concern and wish to discuss it with me, please make an appointment, so that I can give you my full attention. I look forward to getting to know you and your child, as we learn and grow together!
Very truly yours,
XXXXXXXXXXXX
Totally Perfect Preschool, Room 2 (“Jellybean” class)
For a class, I had to create a fictional welcome letter for my ideal preschool, so here's what I came up with (now, if only I could find this school!):
Dear Preschool Families—
Welcome to Totally Perfect Preschool. I am excited about all that we will be learning together this year. Our school believes that education is a partnership between the school and the family. We welcome your participation and input! We want you to be involved, at whatever level you prefer. Attached you will find a calendar for the year, highlighting school holidays, field trips and special events. There is also a sample weekly schedule, giving an overview of what a typical week will include—this schedule is subject to changes, but will give you an idea of what your child’s day will be like. Also, please get in the habit of checking the bulletin board outside the classroom door for up-to-date weekly schedules, information, and sign-up sheets for various activities. Also, check your child’s “mailbox” (labeled slots above the cubbies) for flyers, newsletters, and other information, as well as finished artwork to go home.
We want your talents! Volunteer opportunities are available in many areas. Please fill out the attached volunteer sheet if you are willing to help out. There are many positions available, such as room parent, classroom volunteers, playground volunteers, field trip driver/chaperones, fundraising volunteers, party helpers, and class photographer. If you are not available to volunteer during the day, we need parents to prepare materials at home (cutting out paper shapes for an art project, for instance), and there are monthly Saturday morning work parties to spruce up the building and grounds. If you have a special skill or talent you would like to share, please include that on the form!
We have a new program this year to help us get to know each other better. Every other week, we will have “family snack and share” time. If possible, we would like each family to sign up for one of these dates (a sign-up sheet with available dates will be posted outside the classroom by the beginning of next week). This is a chance for you to share your family’s or ancestors’ origins with the students. We invite you to share your cultural heritage through telling or reading a story, showing pictures, teaching a traditional song or dance, leading an art activity, or anything else you would like to do. We ask that you bring a snack to share. This may be a food traditional to your country of origin, or not. (Please bring the recipe or a list of ingredients to avoid any food allergy problems.)
In addition, we have a parent meeting next week for new AND returning families (see schedule). This is a chance for new families to meet the staff and get information, for returning families to hear what’s new this year, and for all of our families to get acquainted with each other. There will be child care provided in the classrooms during the meeting, and an ice cream social for all immediately afterwards. We look forward to seeing you there!
Several times during the school year, we will be presenting parent forum evenings. These will be discussions of various issues having to do with parenting, and will be led by experts in the field. These are always optional, but we encourage you to attend. These evenings will feature a presentation by the speaker, followed by a question-and-answer and discussion period. Childcare will be provided.
Please don’t hesitate to call or email me about anything that concerns you. I will be happy to schedule a meeting with you at any time during the school year, and will attempt to respond to all emails and calls within 24 hours. If you have any special concerns about your child, or if something is going on in your child’s life that may affect how s/he functions in school, please let me know, so that we can work together to create a positive educational experience for your child. Pick-up and drop-off times are very busy, so if you have a concern and wish to discuss it with me, please make an appointment, so that I can give you my full attention. I look forward to getting to know you and your child, as we learn and grow together!
Very truly yours,
XXXXXXXXXXXX
Totally Perfect Preschool, Room 2 (“Jellybean” class)
Friday, May 2, 2008
Inch by inch, row by row...
Things are growing here--not just my children, either! I have been out digging in the garden, planting vegetables these last two days. There is something satisfying, on an almost primal level, about making things grow. I think it's in our DNA to take pleasure in planting and tending food crops. I started with seeds, planted (with potting soil) in egg cartons. You have to use the cardboard kind, not the shiny plastic foam ones, incidentally. Once they have successfully sprouted indoors, you cut apart each egg cup section and put the whole thing in the ground. No need to transplant, the egg carton just degrades into the soil. In fact, when I planted the tiny sprouts, the roots had already begun to grow through the egg cartons, so they are on their way.
To protect them as they get used to being outdoors, I cut the bottom off some clear plastic cups and inverted one over each seedling. I even found corn-based biodegradable clear cups--how cool is that? They are fully compost-able! I got them at Smart & Final, a warehouse grocery and food service supply store.
We also experimented with homemade seed tape for the radishes and carrots, an idea I found in a book. The way you do it is to cover a table with foil or wax paper, then lay out some white toilet paper in a strip as long as your garden rows will be, or just a bit longer. Work indoors or in a protected area, or your TP will blow away! Then you make a paste of flour and water (mix it about as thick as house paint) and paint it down the middle of the TP with a small brush or the back of a spoon, working gently so as not to tear the paper. Next, you put your seeds into the paste, spaced as far apart as the seed package recommends (often for radishes it's one inch or so). You then fold over the outside edges of the TP into the paste, both sides over the center, like you were wrapping a burrito, until you have one long, narrow strip. Let it dry thoroughly. When they are dry, roll the strips up and place them in a plastic bag. Every two weeks, plant one of these strips in your garden. The toilet paper will break down quickly in the soil, and the flour paste will dissolve, providing some extra nutrients for the seeds. By spacing your plantings every two weeks, you should have new radishes or carrots maturing all season. We just tried this for the first time this year, so I'll let you know how it goes! But at least we won't have all our radishes planted together in a clump, where they have no room to grow (this happened at my church's garden when the Sunday School kids planted them).
Anyway, my real challenge may be keeping the bunnies and squirrels out of the "buffet". I'll keep you posted!
To protect them as they get used to being outdoors, I cut the bottom off some clear plastic cups and inverted one over each seedling. I even found corn-based biodegradable clear cups--how cool is that? They are fully compost-able! I got them at Smart & Final, a warehouse grocery and food service supply store.
We also experimented with homemade seed tape for the radishes and carrots, an idea I found in a book. The way you do it is to cover a table with foil or wax paper, then lay out some white toilet paper in a strip as long as your garden rows will be, or just a bit longer. Work indoors or in a protected area, or your TP will blow away! Then you make a paste of flour and water (mix it about as thick as house paint) and paint it down the middle of the TP with a small brush or the back of a spoon, working gently so as not to tear the paper. Next, you put your seeds into the paste, spaced as far apart as the seed package recommends (often for radishes it's one inch or so). You then fold over the outside edges of the TP into the paste, both sides over the center, like you were wrapping a burrito, until you have one long, narrow strip. Let it dry thoroughly. When they are dry, roll the strips up and place them in a plastic bag. Every two weeks, plant one of these strips in your garden. The toilet paper will break down quickly in the soil, and the flour paste will dissolve, providing some extra nutrients for the seeds. By spacing your plantings every two weeks, you should have new radishes or carrots maturing all season. We just tried this for the first time this year, so I'll let you know how it goes! But at least we won't have all our radishes planted together in a clump, where they have no room to grow (this happened at my church's garden when the Sunday School kids planted them).
Anyway, my real challenge may be keeping the bunnies and squirrels out of the "buffet". I'll keep you posted!
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